A Case of the Gimmies

"Dear Santa,"

This timeworn salutation is precious especially when I think about letters prepared by my girls in the not so distant past.  I remember paging through the toy section of the hefty Sears catalog fantasizing about my choices when I was a kid.  I also remember the trek to Wanamaker's in Center City to deliver the news directly to Santa Claus (and ride in the train that cruised high above the grand store's famed 8th floor toy department.)

Wanamaker Monorail now at the
Please Touch Museum in Philadelphia
http://www.pleasetouchmuseum.org

Whether we use a child's wish list or one supplied by Amazon.com, we try to make someone's gift wishes come true during the holidays. Somewhere at the crossroads of Christmas giving and Christmas receiving lies the question: what are we really asking for?

Well, according to surveys done by the National Retail Federation, gift cards have been the #1 gift request for the past five years. http://www.nrf.com/modules.php?name=News&op=viewlive&sp_id= 

Are gift cards personal? No. 
Specific? Possibly.
Worthwhile? Certainly.

But is the nature of gift giving only fulfilling pre-ordained desires? Just checking off items on a list? Is gift giving soley about hitting the wish list target or can it be, well, more?

In her NYTimes article titled "The Gimme Guide," Penelope Green offers a scant view into the psychology of giving. Citing studies done by two professors from Harvard Business School and Stanford Graduate School of Business, the article looks at both what we want as receivers and what we want to give. Titled “Give Them What They Want: The Benefits of Explicitness in Gift-Exchange,” the study "demonstrated that people accrued more pleasure from a gift (and were more appreciative of it) if it was something they had requested. What’s more, the study’s subjects rated givers as more thoughtful if they gave from a wish list.   Yet the givers (poor saps) wrongly imagined that their giftees would be equally appreciative of gifts that hadn’t been solicited. They were also mistaken in believing a gift of cash would be less welcome."  http://www.nytimes.com/2011/12/01/garden/the-holiday-gimme-guide.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1&hp

Cash = good.  Creative gift = bad. 
It makes for easy shopping but, boy does that sting.  We want what we want, I guess. 

The article cites Kit Yarrow, a consumer research psychologist and a co-author of “Generation Buy: How Tweens, Teens and Twentysomethings Are Revolutionizing Retail” who identifies our personal lifestyles as something we define in our homes and in how we dress.  So we want gifts to "match our taste, style and identity."  This is equally true in the broader view if we look at themed parties, showers, and weddings.  And think about a destination wedding -  it's the ultimate specific "want" as we ask those invited to travel wherever to witness a ceremony that can take place in our backyards.

This intrigues me as I look on the walls of my home and see mostly photos, a couple of charcoal portraits, or personal items hung on them.  Like many, I did not just want generic decorative things displayed but very specific images that represented the family living here. I recall my husband's maternal grandmother, Odie Moore, rummaging through old blankets about 20 years ago as she pared down her life and prepared to toss out a drab, spare, mostly shredded in spots, quilt sewn by her grandmother! She chuckled at why she would ever keep such a thing - utility came first with her generation and this blanket would not serve keeping anyone warm.

I, on the other hand, saw the handiwork as something precious that had a family history.  I remember Odie's quizzical smile as I asked to have the discarded item.  She may not have understood my wants, but she understood my need to feather my nest with family articles.  It was a treasured, unexpected gift, a section of which hangs in my family room and makes me think of Odie as a young girl watching her grandmother sew.

Miss Manners aka Judith Martin, weighs in heavily on gift lists, noting, “Blatant greed is the No. 1 etiquette problem today.” Ms. Martin blames bad etiquette training and the widespread idea that being honest means expressing your every wish. "Most of my mail boils down to that,” she said, meaning greed. “It’s either from people who think there is a polite way to go begging, or victims who feel they have to comply.”

As an employed early gift buyer, I would become so frustrated with my parents as they consistently answered the gift question with, "We don't want/need anything." I now understand clearly what used to vex me years ago. Last month I gave my dad his Christmas gift early - we attended the one man show, "The Philly Fan" together. 

So, is all my gifting this season in this style? Well, only Amazon.com knows for sure.  
Happy shopping!