When we have expectation, our already cemented idea about someone or something is in control. We wrangle with our internal steering wheel so certain events should unfurl or particular people should behave in a ways that have been predetermined because, well, we expect them to do so.
I googled the phrase "What Did You Expect?" expecting to see the famed parenting best seller "What To Expect When You Are Expecting" to pop into first position. Because the intrepid search engine is more precise than I, a book titled "What Did You Expect?" came up repeatedly on the results page. Not surprisingly the author is a longtime pastor and speaker who provides insight and guidance for married or to-be married couples. It is an appropriate question to pose to any couple wondering why their relationship is not or possibly will not meet expectations. Expectation has a tomfoolery component that grates me. Alarms go off at the intersection of 'What I Thought Would Occur' Street and 'What Really Happened' Avenue. Red lights flash danger when I think someone will behave one way, and shows up another way. The jester jumps in joy as I fail another lesson in managing this hardy emotion.
Anticipation, however, sidesteps this silliness. It is the eager pup scratching at the door of what will happen. Anticipation has wonder coursing through it, knowing the results are unknown. It is one of the finest ways we can feel potential energy of something before we actually experience it. I am a fan of the big A.
I can pinpoint the exact moment when Anticipation and Realization became equal partners in my psyche. Ironically, a 19th century poem hit me like a sledgehammer I was a college student in a British Literature class and we read and analyzed Keats' "Ode on a Grecian Urn." The narrator's observations about images of lovers in pursuit while frozen in place perfectly describes the ethereal moment just before concrete action takes place. The chase. The heightened state of wonder. The luscious looming of what may come. This romance speaks directly to my core.
Vacations come with their baggage - the planning, finishing up work items, and the logistics of putting things in order before you leave is also most concrete. The days and weeks before a vacation can seem like punishment because of the multitude of drudgery details that need attention. But the anticipation of a new experience physically away from our everyday world awaits us and tempers some of the pre-vacation toil.
The Times article cites a study of travelers published in a 1997 issue of the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology noting that, "regardless of the type of trip, vacationers were happier in the period leading up to their time off than during the vacation itself." Sure, there is room for a counter point here, but I repeat that part of the fun of vacationing is the anticipation! On the other hand, I bet when it comes to vacation expectations, many are dashed because they are too idealized to be realized. The study identifies this as the 'rosy view' citing, the "phenomenon is associated with an increase in the number of negative thoughts during the event which seem to be caused by distractions, disappointment, and a less positive view of the self. These effects are short-lived; within days after the event, people have much more positive evaluations of the event." Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, Vol 33(4), Jul, 1997. pp. 421-448.So let's be careful about our expectations, knowing when we don our rose colored glasses that the shade is deliberately skewed against what is real. Let's bask in anticipation because what awaits us remains a mystery but the entire journey is honest. As Keats teases us in the final stanza,
"Beauty is truth, truth beauty -
that is all ye know on earth, and all ye need to know."
To view the entire poem (or to hear an audio version): http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/173742
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