The Door

In six days there will be no more wondering.

The tables will dramatically turn, and applicants will morph into decision makers.  It is the sweet/sour spot for many high school seniors.  The college door will either be open or shut - no more "Messing with Mr. In-Between."

As I watched Tina Fey's new movie Admission I was simultaneously chuckling and aching for  all college applicants.  The search can be exhausting (and expensive).
 

Image courtesy of koko tewan
www.FreeDigitalPhotos.net   

The application process has the look of computer circuitry to me where seemingly endless wired pathways connect to achieve a singular outcome; in this case acceptance to a school.


And if today's college search appears as the intricate guts of a computer,  my long ago quest looked more like the cardboard box in which the computer is shipped.   So much simpler.

It wasn't necessarily better, but simpler?  Yes.

In her rich memoir, My Beloved World, Sonia Sotomayor vividly details her life growing up in a rough Bronx neighborhood including her education and employment up to her Supreme Court nomination.  She joined the girls' Forensics Club in high school which was coached by an upperclassman, Ken Moy.  Ken urged Sonia to debate using her hands less and listening more so she could hear the vulnerability in her opponents' arguments.  How could he know these seedling ideas would root so deeply in the future Justice's life? 

Ken, whose parents ran a Chinese hand laundry in East Harlem and whose father was "trouble three ways - heroin, gambling, and a violent temper" was accepted to Princeton.  It was Ken, who called Sonia when he was a freshman there and  uttered the words that impacted her college choices saying "Try for the Ivy League."

Sonia's first view of an Ivy League school was from a movie theater seat when she saw the film Love Story.  She describes how the setting was other worldly to the high school senior: "Apart from Camden, New Jersey and the alternate reality of Puerto Rico, I had never traveled far from the Bronx  and I had certainly never seen anything like this."  (Ironically some of the film's outdoor university scenes were filmed at Fordham which is located in the Bronx.)

Her high school guidance counselor suggested Catholic colleges, but Sonya replied "I want(ed) to apply to Harvard, Yale, Princeton, Columbia and Stanford."   Sonia followed the application steps like every other student.  When she received a postcard from Princeton with the box of "likely" checked she asked her counselor about it.  The astonished woman's reply was, "There's a very good chance you'll get in."

Some of Sonia's high school successes included a top ten class ranking, achievement on the Forensics team and in student government.  She worked part-time during school and full time each summer. 

In her memoir, Sonia recalls that a few days after she received the postcard, she walked past the school nurse, who asked in an accusatory tone, "Can you explain to me how you got a 'likely' and the two top-ranking girls in the school only got a 'possible'?"

And there it is - as true 41 years ago as it is today - the question of what factors make a college applicant 'worthy' of access? 

Sonia's access resulted in a graduating summa cum laude from Princeton, selected to Phi Beta Kappa, and earning the University's Pyne Honor Prize, a singular honor awarded to a senior who has most clearly manifested excellent scholarship, strength of character and effective leadership.

A NYTimes article titled "Better Colleges Failing to Lure Poorer Strivers" by David Leonhardt cites a recent study by two longtime education researchers (Caroline Hoxby of Stanford and Christopher Avery of Harvard) that shows a significant percentage of low-income students with top test scores and grades continue to not apply to the nation's best colleges.  While these top schools cast a wide net in some major cities and their surrounding suburbs, the study suggests that low-income students with very high test scores and grades who live between the nation's coasts are ignored. 
   http://www.nytimes.com/2013/03/17/education/scholarly-poor-often-overlook-better-colleges.html?pagewanted=all

In plain numbers, of the 238 selected 'best' colleges listed, only 34 percent of low income high-achievers attend.  Among students in the highest income quartile that figure was 78 percent.

"Many top low-income students instead attend community colleges or four-year institutions closer to their homes," the Times article notes.  Even in the all access Internet age, top low-income students who have little to no interaction or exposure to someone from one of these schools ignore them in their college search.

I understand how this happens but not the why.  It seems dated in this abundant information age.  What is clear is that the issues these students face in their everyday lives weigh heavy in how they ignore top college options even though they excel in school.  Why are they not being reached?  How is this possible?

Interestingly, the Supreme Court will decide in June on a University of Texas case looking to restrict race based affirmative action as one criterion in college selections.  I look forward to hearing the court's responses, especially that of Justice Sotomayor.  (By the way, I recommend her spirited memoir.)

It's not only a matter of the door opening for students. As suggested in the Hoxby/Avery study, students first need to know where to look beyond their front doors.

Link to the Hoxby/Avery study from the  Brookings Papers on Economic Activity:
http://www.brookings.edu/about/projects/bpea/latest-conference/2013-spring-selective-colleges-income-diversity-hoxby

Link to the NYTimes article on the University of Texas affirmative action case:
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/10/11/us/a-changed-court-revisits-affirmative-action-in-college-admissions.html?pagewanted=all

Where The Boys Are

The driving question being pondered worldwide now awaits an answer from 115 cardinals in the Vatican's Sistine Chapel.  Who will be the next pope?

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My question is this: where are the women?

No kidding. 

Christ chose 12 apostles.  All men. 

Where is it written that this decision was intended to be an ironclad, unbreakable rule of "men only" rule? Evermore?  The Bible? A tradition of male leadership is one thing.  When does tradition cement into law? 

Clearly this interpretation suits men.

How is it women have been deemed unworthy, unlikely, uninvited to lead for over 2,000 years?  No female priests - no female bishops or cardinals - no female pope. 

I am a lover of tradition -but not at the expense of every other option. 

Among other things I am a Roman Catholic with 16+ years of catholic education.  I embrace the many gorgeous mystical beliefs this theology brings.  I wonder how half of the over one billion worldwide followers are dismissed as secondary when it comes to leading the flock?

I am certain that Christ's message of love is the most important.  I understand Peter was chosen as the first pope and I do not presume to know what Christ's thoughts were on succession.  The rigidity of selecting subsequent male leaders seems more a product of cultural mores of the time than of spiritual awareness. 

Is it probable that Christ had no interest in women leading his church ever?  There is no spiritual basis for the formulaic 'men lead, women follow.' 

It does not ring of grace.  This rings of men making decisions in Christ's name. 

The old TV show titled "Father Knows Best" comes to mind as I watch coverage of the cardinals' conclave.

Two genders.  Only one gets to lead in this church.  Hard to imagine this is Christ's way - the way of light, love, compassion.  It's too one sided, too short sighted, too uneven.  Very man-made.

While white smoke will answer the question of "Who's Next?" the smoke I see hides the fire of
man-made inequality.

The 3/13/13 New York TimesCast looks at what Catholics worldwide want from their church. 

http://www.nytimes.com/video/2013/03/12/world/100000002113508/catholics-speak-modernization.html#100000002113508

Postscript  In a "60 Minutes" piece titled "The American Nuns" that aired on 3/17/13, Bob Simon gets an answer to the question of women as priests and church leaders. http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=50143033n

She's The Boss

My first female boss was the best boss I ever had.  She was also the toughest.

What a powerfully precious combination.


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She was not only likable and hilarious but an effective, hard-working, detail driven manager.  I cannot recall laughing as much and working as hard as I did in the years with her.   I have long left the Philadelphia corporation where she guided me.  She, on the other hand, has risen to one of a handful of Executive Vice President positions in the multi-billion dollar company. 

Her formula was plain - work hard at a job you love; everything else will flow.

It may sound corny, but I am grateful for her. She was/is a leader in every way. 

I write this after reading a recent NY Times article by Nicholas Kristof titled "She's (Rarely) The Boss" ttp://www.nytimes.com/2013/01/27/opinion/sunday/kristof-shes-rarely-the-boss.html  Kristof wrote the piece on the heels of a World Economic Forum event where international business leaders from large corporations met to discuss global poverty. http://www.weforum.org/

Kristof noted that female participation in the forum was 17 percent.  "Not surprising considering that global business and political leaders are overwhelmingly male," he wrote.  In the US, statistics bear this out with "only 17 percent of American Fortune 500 board seats held by women, a mere 3 percent of board chairs are women." Also, there are few women in the Obama cabinet.


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Looking for a female executive view, Kristoff spoke with Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg.  Unsurprisingly the historical combination of chauvinism and corporate obstacles continue to be hurdles.  Sandberg added her perspective stating, " We (women) hold ourselves back in ways both big and small by lacking self-confidence, by not raising our hands and by pulling back when we should be leaning in."  Her book, due out in March, is appropriately titled, "Lean In."

My boss definitely leaned in.  She was not one of the boys but she demonstrated to them that her work was integral to success.  She had/has concrete finesse.

Sandberg sees both sides of the equation needing attention for women.  "I am hoping that each woman will set her own goals and reach for them with gusto," she noted in the article.  "And I am hoping that each man will do his part to support women in the workplace and in the home, also with gusto."  

Kristof adds his thoughts," we need more women in leadership positions for another reason: considerable evidence suggests that more diverse groups reach better decisions."

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I joined my boss' staff a few weeks before I was getting married and taking a two week vacation. Yes, legally she had no way of knowing this but I told her during the interview because I thought she had to know about my absence right out of the gate.  She was non-plussed.

She was already a young mother of one son when she hired me. Her second son was due in a few months.  She didn't make parenting look easy but, just as she did in the office, she worked hard at working things out.  Learning my job as well as what I would need to do during her leave left me breathless, excited, nervous. 

She was always in the office by 6:30 am.  She was a powerful influence who  presented an ease that welcomed managers, employees, executives.    People wanted to know her and be known by her.  Work was her arena; information, her armor. 

When I left my job after having my first child, I recall telling her my greatest regret was that we would definitely lose touch.  She was appalled at the thought.  I said, "I've seen firsthand how work crushes your friendships. There's just not enough room."

Eight months later one of the best calls came from her asking me if I wanted to return in a job share with another co-worker.  She configured this option and it lasted for five cherished years.  That 'parent-friendly' arrangement made me want to work better, harder.  She knew what she was doing.

I visited her in her current position a few years ago. Her job may have changed but she hadn't.  She was still warm and powerful all rolled into one. I couldn't help but think about what life would have been like had I continued working with her.  Those who did have had a template for success in their grasp.

This is her finest gift.  Showing other women (and men) how to succeed.  

To Every Thing There is a Season

As I packed away another season of Christmas decorations I lingered over a few that have become sweet symbols of the past.  Mostly they are the worn ornaments made by my daughters during their pre-school and elementary school years.  I am not sure why I am so attached to these things but I know it runs deep.

Looking at the abundance of homemade tree ornaments filling up the storage bins, I realize my zeal has resulted in too many "things on strings" for the tree. It's time to cull the herd of crafts, as it were.  And yet, as odd as it sounds, it's a struggle.

I thought about other things as strong symbols as I read a front page item in the Sunday NYTimes regarding what the town of Newtown CT is doing with its many memorials to the sweet lives lost in December. The items carry more than memories - they embody the desire to hold up those lives as important.  They also give people a place to grieve.   http://www.nytimes.com/2013/01/06/nyregion/as-memorials-pile-up-newtown-struggles-to-move-on.html

Grief has a clear beginning but where it ends, if it ever ends, is vague at best. 

Officials in Newtown CT began the process of removing the most elaborate memorials a couple of weeks following the shooting. The town's selectwoman, Patricia Llodra, waded into those delicate waters with sensitivity and focus.  The community was alerted by phone about the removals. Plans have been made to process organic materials into "sacred soil" in a future memorial.  Stuffed animals and other inorganic materials will be processed into bricks for use in constructing a tribute.

Families of those killed were given police protected time to visit the memorials privately.  Then, in the middle of the night, items were removed.

Practical reasons like harsh winter weather pummeling the memorial items, rendering 
them as sad reminders instead of sweet honor guards, along with traffic issues moved town officials to take some action.  I applaud the light, thoughtful touch this effort is being given.

Grief's path is marked by infinitesimal movement. The term "moving on" is often used and perhaps this is Newtown's effort to do so.  I'd like to think it is more of a way to simply move regardless of direction. 

My friend Linda, whose 22 year old son died in May, recently shared one of the things she realized during this past difficult holiday, "I believe I can survive my grief.  I'm learning to move through it."  I relish her awareness.  We don't so much get over or under grief, but if we can come out on the other side of it, we learn how capable we are.  If and how we do this is where the work of love takes place.

There is a local roadside memorial to a young woman named Aimee that I used to pass each Saturday when I drove home from taking my daughter to dance class in the city.  (It sits along the southbound on ramp to Rte. 1 as you exit Rte. 476 in Springfield PA)  It marks the spot where this young woman was brutally abducted; she was later found murdered in a North Philly lot.  It has had various incarnations over the years with signs and symbols but they are mostly all gone.  Someone planted a tree in her honor and it flourishes.  I think of her every time I pass that spot. I hope those who loved her are also flourishing. 

It's not the spot where someone dies that contains meaning about their life; that singular spot is the place where we started grieving.  If we can learn to give our focus to how we loved their lives, then perhaps the place where they died receives a more balanced treatment.

My grandparents died in 1979.  The cemetery was near my home so I would stop by their gravesite to have some silent time with them.  Once I moved away a few years later, those visits ended.  I think the last time I was at their gravesite was at their son's burial in 2001.  I think I've learned to spend silent time with them in other ways.  

The Bible says it well but Pete Seeger's lyrics sung by the Byrds adapted it best:  "To everything (Turn, Turn, Turn) There is a season (Turn, Turn, Turn) And a time to every purpose, under Heaven."

 

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 King James Version

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; A time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

 

Postscript: The topic of roadside memorials which mostly honor those where they died in traffic accidents is addressed in a 2009 documentary.  Here is a clip from that film.

 

 

 

Things I Learned in 2012

(Once again, thanks to my friend Heather as I steal her idea for a year in review...)

I learned more about SuperPACs from a political pundit and faux newscaster (Stephen Colbert) who took them for a spin around the block with his own SuperPAC "Americans for A Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow." (start video below at time marker 3:47)

 

 I am waiting for Stephen Colbert to simplify the college application process.

When you start walking almost every day, you eat better and clothes fit better.

When you stop walking almost every day.....oh, you know the rest.

North Carolina is a very beautiful state with changing landscapes.

I can drive for 8 hours and not turn into a pumpkin. 

Skype is the best free thing around.  It took me to London, Milan, and Hawaii.

Hearing my freshly minted 21-year-old order a drink with dinner is weird.

Toasting to my freshly minted 21-year-old is satisfying.

Making a photo book using Shutterfly's endless options can turn into a full-time job.

Our childhood is everything, but not the only thing.

Helping backstage at Rock West's Nutcracker was fun every time.

Dancers are athletes who happen to dress fancier.

How we treat our children says everything about us.

 

Baroness Schraeder (The Sound of Music) is not a demon - she's just misunderstood. (This is for my dear friend Joanie who has voted herself President of the soon-to-be-formed 'Baroness Fan Club')

Opening zany gifts on Christmas Eve turns me into a 10-year-old girl.

Photos of star-forming nebulae and all things outer space silence me. (Thanks to my brother, Joe, for sharing this on Christmas Eve.)

.

from http://blog.sciencemusings.com/2012/12/o-holy-night.html

Happy 2013 to all!

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That's Me in the Corner...

...that's me in the spotlight, losing my religion.*

I think I asked a lot from religion - to be the path, the salve for our wounds, the rule maker, the forgiver of rule breakers, the answer giver, the safety net for an afterlife.   

And religion responded with answers.  First it did so literally in the form of questions and answers from the little blue Baltimore Catechism of my childhood.  That suited my tiny brain perfectly.  Have a question? Just look up the answer.  Done!

I remember memorizing these succinct morsels. 
Q. Who made us?  A. God made us.  Q. Why did God make us?  A. Because He loves us. 

While wrapping Christmas gifts this year I was channel surfing to find a holiday movie and stumbled upon "Roots" - the 1977 miniseries based on Alex Haley's novel.  It was the first episode and I was locked in.  A favorite scene is the one with the father of Kunta Kinte raising up his newborn son to the consuming starry sky. He says the memorable line: "Kunta Kinte, behold the only thing greater than yourself."  What an ancient proclamation.

This nugget has become my religious baseline.  For me, a spiritual foundation is essential. As for organized religion, let's say I have lots of questions. 

Upon graduating from  a Catholic high school I went to a college run by Jesuits.  What a difference! After being part of a very traditional rigor where students were receivers of information, I entered a world where challenging religious tenets was encouraged. I was a lightweight compared to the heft of Jesuit knowledge but they loved a good fight and a well thought out argument.

In those brief four years, having a seat at the table with those thinkers, renegades, and passionate educators rocked my world.  But just as quickly, I returned home to the familiar structure of belonging to a local parish.

The more lockstep religion became, the more I silently questioned its role in my life.  But I stayed on the path, had my daughters baptized, volunteered, and I even taught CCD.  I suppressed my questions with the comfort of doing what was expected.

CBS Sunday Morning recently aired a piece titled "Losing Our Religion" in which organized religion membership was the topic.  http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-3445_162-57559432/losing-our-religion/

 It was a look at the declining numbers of people in the US who belong to a church and why.  According to a new study by the Pew Forum on Religion and Public Life, the nation's spiritual landscape may be becoming a little less.religious.  "Some 45 million people, or one-fifth of the U.S. adult population, now say they belong to no church in particular," CBS reporter Lee Cowan explained.

And it's not a question of folks losing faith since only six percent identified themselves as either atheist or agnostic. No, the study suggests, Cowan reported, that "it's organized religion - with respondents overwhelmingly saying many organizations are too focused on money, power and politics."

For the first time Protestant religions are not the religious majority in the US, now representing 48 percent of the population.  No one faith is immune from this gradual shift. The study suggests that religious expression is not in danger but rather religion is not keeping pace with social issues. As the two collide, believers are frustrated by the immobility of organized religion. 

Cowan reports the demographic making the change is, not surprisingly, a youthful one. "Indeed, it's the young - one out of every three persons surveyed under the age of 30 - who say they don't link themselves with a church, a mosque, a synagogue, or anything else. Compare that, with the "Greatest Generation," where only one in 20 claimed no religious home."

Just like a tenant is at the mercy of the landlord, believers can be at the mercy of their organized church of choice.  It seems however, rather than argue with the landlord, renters are opting out.  Faith is not taking a hit, but houses of faith are.

On Christmas Day, columnist Maureen Dowd handed over her op-ed spot in the NY Times to a longtime friend Father Kevin O'Neil.  He wrote a frank, bare bones piece titled, "Why, God?" It is simply beautiful.  http://www.nytimes.com/2012/12/26/opinion/dowd-why-god.html

Father O'Neil shares his beliefs with a good dose of wonder.  When his brother died unexpectedly at age 44, the priest questioned why, knowing no answer would satisfy.  Yet, something was revealed that become more precious.

He writes,"I experienced family and friends as unconditional love in the flesh." He marveled at, "the many ways that people reached out to me let me know that I was not alone. They really were the presence of God to me. They held me up to preach at Brian’s funeral. They consoled me as I tried to comfort others. Suffering isolates us. Loving presence brings us back, makes us belong."

After the Newton CT killings, a sobering need to be kinder, gentler seemed to pulse.  It reminded me that we are a community of people first. If we choose to be a member of an organized religious community, it is a freedom we enjoy as Americans. It is not a necessity. Sharing ourselves,  person-to-person,  to ease another's pain, that is the necessity.  I may struggle with organized religion but I feel at peace with our expression of God's love.

Father O'Neil puts it this way: "Unconditionally loving presence soothes broken hearts, binds up wounds, and renews us in life. This is a gift that we can all give, particularly to the suffering. When this gift is given, God’s love is present and Christmas happens daily."

The Hills Were Alive...

Thanks Bryn Mawr Film Institute for another joyous "The Sound of Music" singalong this week. 

Both sold out theatres burst with enthusiastic (and many costumed) moviegoers who channeled their inner Maria, Captain von Trapp, or any of the seven von Trapp children and belted out lyrics and dialogue to the 1965 hit.

 I once again savored the wonder that is the voice of actress Peggy Wood who, as Mother Abbess, brings the audience to unknown heights with her blessedly powerful "Climb Every Mountain."

Thanks to the friends who joined in the fun.  There is something magical about friends from different parts of our lives meeting at such a silly, joy-filled event.  I inhaled all of it. Here is the link to my post from the 2011 show and photos from 2012.
http://asubjectforconsideration.blogspot.com/2011/12/favorite-thing.html

How do you solve a problem like 4 Marias???

They are 16 going on 17!

Mother Abbess, Max and the audience pleasing Fraulein Schweiger
whose constant bowing brought down the house. 

A couple of Favorite Things! Girls in white
dresses with blue satin sashes and brown
paper packages.



Some Abbey residents share a night out with a brown paper
package.

More girls in white with blue satin sashes!

Ray- a drop of golden sun!

A very existential "La" who was a music history
major before going to Penn med school.  Love it!