Two Weddings and a Funeral

The first wedding was in early March - when we were moving freely about the land, yet the yellow caution flags were beginning to wave.

The couple moved ahead with their original plans and we found ourselves in place at the wedding venue at the appointed time.  All the elements one would expect at a wedding were also in place creating a easy, albeit tenuous, sensory backdrop:  little flower girls swooshing about in layered, cream colored dresses, sweet scents from floral bouquets, burbling water cascading over a decorative fountain's edge, the rapid, soft click, click, click of the photographer's camera.

The fresh feel of approaching Spring filled the plant dense venue.  Missing were the usual hugs, kisses, and handshakes that I, as a wedding officiant, would normally share with the couple and their folks. At that point, physical touch was a no-no but "social distancing" wasn't in our word bank yet.  

The ceremony included a reflection on how luck played a significant role in this couple finding and dating each other and eventually arriving at marriage.  Reading these sentiments written months before felt a little unbalanced given how this earlier, carefree certainty seemed blissfully naive in a COVID-19 world.

Yet, the moment contained all the precious joy and, a bit of relief, as two lovers made their marriage promises to each other as planned.  

In the hours and days that followed, it was becoming all too clear that this wedding ceremony would be my last for a while as a Journeys of the Heart officiant.

Days after the wedding, I found myself and my 92 year-old dad in a hospital emergency room watching my 93 year-old mother's health collapsing as we sat vigil by her side.  Hours later, she died.  

The mental ping pong of accepting the fact that her body could fight no more, comforting my dad's (and my own) fear and grief, communicating with siblings and children near and far, digesting how we arrived at this crushing moment, making mental calculations about the many surfaces we were touching in an ER environment, and perpetually hand sanitizing, proved to be a tsunami of circumstances teetering on unbearable. 

Marvel Comics has it all wrong with their hyperbolic imaginings of who is a superhero; the health care professionals in service to all three of us that evening earned that top billing then and every single day before and after.  

When we mortals are falling apart under the weight of an emotional onslaught such as a loved one dying, the EMTs, ER clerks, nurses, and docs are the voices of calm, reason, rational thought, and compassion. Layer on the current pandemic, the woeful lack of needed supplies, and a host of other larger than life scenarios and it becomes incomprehensible how they rise up and do this work every day.

They are human marvels. 

A few days later a second wedding came to the fore.

photo credit: Christian Nachtrieb

My daughter Alison's college roommate had a late April wedding planned in upstate New York. Alison is one of two maids of honor. The couple, Bridget and John, live in Boston and, like so many other engaged couples, they postponed the big celebration and took matters into their own hands as a pandemic encroached on normal life.  

On a clear, bright, breezy early spring afternoon, the couple decided to be wed, at a city park, with a couple of local friends surrounding them in a social distancing tableau. Out of town family and other close friends watched via Instagram Live. 

Dressed in wedding finery, with flutes of prosecco in hand, those family and friends  dialed in from across the miles and oceans to the precious, homemade moment. Bridget's mom even made a tiered wedding cake to celebrate, albeit from PA.  

The sweetness that emerged from this pared down, full-hearted ceremony was yet another reminder of how the power of love and the capacity for joy conquers.   

Days later, my mom's funeral took place.  It was a simple, private Mass arranged for my immediate family as the limitations on churches and funeral homes became increasingly stringent. (Thankfully Mass was live streamed so family and friends out of town and down the street could watch.) 

And on another warm, sunny, springtime day we closed the door to outside world issues and focused on the woman who gave our lucky family her finest work as mother, wife, grandmother, and great-grandmother.  We gave Love its due because it is our fuel and was never to be denied.   

We humans have an incredible capacity to hold love, sorrow, fear, gratitude, jealousy, compassion, wonder, grief simultaneously. It isn't the easiest juggling act but it is essential.   As long as we can keep some balance, remembering to switch off our rudder control from one powerful emotion to another, we have a shot at sanity.  And, a little peace. 

This moment is the one we have.  The only thing certain about the ones to follow is that they are unknown.   

What a world.