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Sunday, April 6, 2014

Dear....

When is the last time you wrote a letter? 

I've written cards and notes on a dwindling scale, but an honest to goodness letter of more than one page? That question sadly stumps me (and I like to write!)

In an age when emails fall into the "long form" category of correspondence (as in more than 140 characters) letter writing languishes in the "old fashioned" category.  The mailbox has transformed into a receptacle for everything but letters. And the electronic mailbox has caught up to its more pedestrian relative with more junk mail than missives.
 
The value of letter writing reached a high water mark for me last night after watching People's Light and Theatre Company's latest production, "Dear Elizabeth" by Sarah Ruhl.  The show's dialogue is in the form of correspondence between two friends, poets Elizabeth Bishop and Robert "Cal" Lowell. In her forward to an 800+ page book containing all of Bishop's and Lowell's correspondence,  Ruhl notes, "their letters are so hyper-articulate that one almost has the impression that no bits of life were lived without being written down." 

Instead of interpreting the poets' work, the play is a verbatim collection of their words to each other as well as a few of their poems interspersed.  It is a glorious, intimate celebration of the art of written expression.

I could not get past the notion that every word I heard from that stage was written by each of these poets.  Every single unexplained word. 

In an age where 'reality' TV's intention is to brutally smack us in the face, the poets' words are no less real but their intention is far better - they are lovingly, humorously, respectfully, constructively, and best of all, intentionally connecting as friends.  There are no 'gotcha' moments and yet each moment grabs us.

It is precious intimacy at arms length. 

After her partner of 16 years commits suicide, Elizabeth responds to Cal's letter of condolence by noting it is, "Like being handed a lantern."

That image sticks.  In the deliciously anticipatory moment when we open a letter, a light does come on.  It says, welcome, come on in.  And, in her time of tragedy,  Elizabeth describes it as is a pathway out of the darkness.

Letters postmarked Paris, 1976
I used to write to my brother Joe at college and he would reply including a couple of dollars in his letters.  It was such a sweet, older sibling thing to do. My mom was a reliable correspondent when I was away at college.  She and my grandmother would also write each other routinely when my grandparents lived in Atlantic City, NJ for extended summers when I was a child. 
 
"Dear Elizabeth" concludes with the two poets opening a cache overflowing with their letters  As they scoop up handfuls of them, they speak in joy-filled letter snippets.  It provides a tactile tenderness to a correspondence we sadly know will cease.

I've saved some letters.  When my friend Joyce studied for a semester in Paris in the mid-seventies, we corresponded on those tissue paper thin airmail posts that seemed so exotic.  And letters from my brother Vincent when he moved to Hawaii in the pre-computer, pre-cell phone age are also stashed away.

These verbal snapshots hold no profound revelations.  They do hold me, nonetheless, because they tell me, in cherished longhand, someone took the time to share their thoughts and their life with me.  They are dear in every way.
  
For information on the production of "Dear Elizabeth" http://peopleslight.org/production/dear-Elizabeth
 
North Haven by Elizabeth Bishop
written for Robert Lowell in Memoriam
I can make out the rigging of a schooner
a mile off; I can count
the new cones on the spruce. It is so still
the pale bay wears a milky skin; the sky
no clouds except for one long, carded horse¹s tail.

The islands haven't shifted since last summer,
even if I like to pretend they have--
drifting, in a dreamy sort of way,
a little north, a little south, or sidewise--
and that they¹re free within the blue frontiers of bay.

This month our favorite one is full of flowers:
buttercups, red clover, purple vetch,
hackweed still burning, daisies pied, eyebright,
the fragrant bedstraw's incandescent stars,
and more, returned, to paint the meadows with delight.

The goldfinches are back, or others like them,
and the white-throated sparrow's five-note song,
pleading and pleading, brings tears to the eyes.
Nature repeats herself, or almost does:
repeat, repeat, repeat; revise, revise, revise.

Years ago, you told me it was here
(in 1932?) you first "discovered girls"
and learned to sail, and learned to kiss.
You had "such fun," you said, that classic summer.
("Fun"--it always seemed to leave you at a loss...)

You left North Haven, anchored in its rock,
afloat in mystic blue...And now--you've left
for good. You can't derange, or rearrange,
your poems again. (But the sparrows can their song.)
The words won't change again. Sad friend, you cannot change.
 EPILOGUE   by Robert “Cal” Lowell
Those blessèd structures, plot and rhyme—
why are they no help to me now
I want to make
something imagined, not recalled?
I hear the noise of my own voice:
The painter’s vision is not a lens,
it trembles to caress the light.
But sometimes everything I write   
with the threadbare art of my eye
seems a snapshot,
lurid, rapid, garish, grouped,
heightened from life,
yet paralyzed by fact.
All’s misalliance.
Yet why not say what happened?
Pray for the grace of accuracy
Vermeer gave to the sun’s illumination
stealing like the tide across a map
to his girl solid with yearning.
We are poor passing facts,
warned by that to give
each figure in the photograph
his living name
 

Monday, December 30, 2013

Things I Learned in 2013

Kids leave the nest.  I know as little as I did when they first entered, minus the anxiety.

Elementary schools are incredibly cheery places to work.

I taught my girls about living in the suburbs; they are teaching me about city living.

Looking down the barrel of 'way over fifty' feels odd and scary.

Shucking clams is a fine skill.

When kids visit the nest, familiar patterns sneak in as well.

Julian Barnes' writing gives me goose bumps.

Movie sing-alongs wash away worries and create a crazy sense of community.

Mediocre books get way too much undeserved attention (and book sales) when the pen name is unmasked: i.e. The Cuckoo's Calling by Robert Galbraith/J.K. Rowling

Moving your child three times in four months to varying walk-up apartments tests Love's practical side.

View Shmoo: first floor apartments = heaven.

Best thing about my job:  mandatory recess twice daily.

Second best thing: giving kids Tooth Fairy certificates and stickers after they lose a tooth.

The blog (and now book)  Hyperbole and a Half by Allie Brosh is quirky perfection.  http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/

Having a very vague clue re: the book I am seeking turns into a blissful treasure hunt with the dependably informed staff at the reopened Chester County Book Company  http://www.ccbmc.com/

Letting go of ego is super hard; succeeding at it is super satisfying; failing at it is super easy.

Saying "my college grad has a full time job with benefits" is really one word. Ditto for my college student's part time job, minus the benefits

Key and Peele's comedy lays me out!  Here is the link to one of my favorite skits so far -  Luther the Anger Translator- Obama Shutdown:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jDpVg-UEGCI

 
Thanks for reading my blog and for your generous feedback.  May 2014 be kind to us all!

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

What's It Worth?

Looking at level upon level of shopping options last holiday weekend, I admit I was overwhelmed but impressed by the diversity. 
 
First there was the buzz noting which stores would be needling their way into the untouchable 24 Thanksgiving hours by opening for business that day. This tapped core beliefs of both shoppers and workers.  An unwritten moral line wriggled.  Facebook posts by folks boycotting the retail infringement appeared regularly during November. 
 
Invoking MC Hammer's famous refrain of "U Can't Touch This," the Thanksgiving purists let it be known their day was not up for sale.  I didn't post or demand my intentions be heard, but Thanksgiving remained an indoor home event (so much so that my Black Friday imperative became  "Get Outdoors Day" with a long walk at a local park with my daughters.)
 
Then the Shop Local Saturday followed, steering shoppers to buy gifts at local businesses.  I recall bragging in years past how most of my holiday shopping could be done by clicks on Amazon - oh the ease and savings just a touch away.  This year I am making the effort to find nearby answers to gift questions thanks to 'shop locally' reminders. 

 Cyber Monday exploded in my inbox with deals to stretch Black Friday further.  I'm not an economist, but how much does our consumerism benefit us in the long run?

What is it all worth?  What's the currency we're using to get the value we desire?  Are we trading some emotional currency for physical stuff?  What happens when worth and value clash?

The Bay Psalm Book, printed 1640.
The NYTimes recently reported on a record breaking Sotheby's auction of a 1640's religious item. The Bay Psalm Book sold for over $14 million, making it "the most expensive book ever sold at auction." 

The price tag, while steep, is just part of what makes this notable. The decision to sell the rare book addresses both worth and value.  And, as with all good stories, this one has intriguing points of view. 

Old South Church in Boston sold one of two books it owns. (It is believed that only 11 copies exist.)  Why sell it?  According to the Times article, "the congregation voted last year to sell one copy to pay for ministries and repairs to the church’s 1875 building." 

Senior Minister The Reverend Dr. Nancy S. Taylor noted following the book's sale, "We're not in the business of being a museum; we're not in the business of being a library...what is our business is mission in the city of Boston."  Selling the book has worth to the church and its community.

But it's value - an intangible to some - was great enough for the church historian and longtime member to resign in protest of the sale. While the congregation voted 9-1 in favor of putting a book up for auction, dissent came from those who valued history first.
Old South's pedigree places it as Ben Franklin's baptismal church and includes Samuel Adams and Richard Dawes (who rode with Paul Revere) as former congregation members.  This is not your average bear.

The intersection of worth and value marked the place where the book became either a type of commodity or a treasure.  In the language of education, History was trumped by Economics. In some ways those on opposing sides of the debate held true to their view of what the book primarily represents: to the historian, it is a precious piece of history which is church property; to the church leaders it is a means to an end of serving the community.   I land on the side of Economics because the church still owns another copy of the rare book.  If #2 ever comes up for auction, perhaps the debate over its worth will have even greater intensity. 

The book's new owner,  David M. Rubenstein plans lend the book to libraries around the country, eventually naming one to house it.   He has no interest in keeping the famed item at home. In biblical terms, there's no light left under a bushel here.   

While preciously rare books of psalms have no place on my holiday shopping list, the value of what I am giving this season is shaded by more thought about my intention.  Wrestling with worth and value makes me uncomfortable.  I think this is an invaluable thing.

Link to the NYTimes article on Sotheby's auction:  http://www.nytimes.com/2013/11/27/nyregion/book-published-in-1640-makes-record-sale-at-auction.html?_r=0

Saturday, November 23, 2013

Birthday Boy

Today is my brother Vincent's birthday. He and I are the 3rd and 4th children of four, so we are naturally connected by birth order.  I was (am) the nudgey little sister who always wanted to be part of the action with he and my older brother Joe whether it was playing army men, navy men, wrestling, running, dodge ball - the activity didn't matter.  Like a horse at the starting gate, I just wanted to burst onto the track and get in on all that I saw in front of me. 

So, today I celebrate the sibling who is directly in front of me as he completes his six decades around the Sun because I have been a beneficiary of his big heart and passion for life all these years.  Vincent has always taken his role as big brother to heart.  Our grade school parking lot was the 'playground' at recess and the boys and girls were separated by a white line - woe to anyone who crossed it. (Can you guess it was a parochial school?)  Vincent would regularly stand on that line and send an emissary to get me and check if I had lunch money, snack or whatever.  Of course I would huff in exasperation as I was pulled from my friends to answer his queries but I loved that he cared so much. 
 
His best buddy in high school, Tom,  stood well over six feet tall so when I finally became eligible to attend the Saturday night mixers, I was shadowed by my brother and his posse which was easy to identify because of very tall Tom.  While my friends loved the attention of older boys, I was irritated by the glaring intrusion into my gaggle of girls.  One friend noted that her brother always ignored her at the dances, and, well, everywhere else.  The sting of her statement translated clearly for me.  Outwardly I would sometimes be annoyed by Vincent's attention, but inside it felt good to know he was watching out for me.
 
Ironically I attended the same university as Tom, so Vincent came a callin' on my college campus - same deal, different location.  By then I had accepted that this was the painless cost of being Vincent's younger sister.
 
When I picture Vincent in my mind he is always smiling.  His grin, while often a sign of joy, can also be a sign of nervousness and this became no more clearer than when he became an altar boy.  We all attended one of the first Masses he served alongside our brother, Joe.  Joe knew the ropes and had a somewhat serious nature, so pairing him with Vincent proved interesting.  As the brothers rounded the sacristy together Vincent's smile overtook his face for the entire Mass.  It still makes me giggle.  Joe kept telling him to stop smiling which of course had the opposite result.  Vincent caught the wrath of the nun in charge of altar boys and so emerged his relationship with authority.  The tale is a family favorite.
 
Just as I finished up my four years away at school, Vincent packed up his things and moved to Hawaii.  (Or as my mom describes it, referring to its distance from home, the Moon.) He heard the Siren's call and actually answered it.  I wonder how many of us really do that?  Thirty-five years later, he nurtures his family business on their organic sprout farm as he doggedly seeks better soil health as a small farmer/activist. He lives his passion with no stop button.  As he says repeatedly, "It's all about the food."

I love that his legacy, so far, is one of love, humor, and big-heartedness.  Vincent is a wide open door to Life.  I deeply admire these qualities especially because boys/men don't necessarily go first to these emotional places with such gusto.

Here is his TedxMaui Talk titled "Soil: Having a Sense of Humus" given on Maui in 2012.  It says everything about who he is.  Happy Birthday, dear Brother - Vincenzo no ka oi!

 

Sunday, November 17, 2013

That Suit

"If there is a single item that captures both the shame and the violence
that erupted that day, and the glamour and artifice that preceded it,
it is Jackie Kennedy’s bloodstained pink suit,
a tantalizing window on fame and fashion, her allure and her steely resolve,
 the things we know about her and the things we never quite will. "
 
The Kennedys arrive in Dallas 11/22/63.
 The recognizable pink Chanel suit with matching pillbox hat.  It was a soft feminine touch on a day that would land like granite in our American hearts.
 
The NYTimes article which recently noted the blood stained suit's whereabouts joins the chorus of media outlets focusing on the five decade anniversary of JFK's assassination. The First Lady's well known suit has been packed away in a National Archives storage site in Maryland where it will be kept from public view until 2103.  This decision made by Caroline Kennedy in 2003, provides rare privacy to an otherwise overwhelmingly public family.
 
I used to dress my Barbie doll as Jackie Kennedy using colored tissues and leftover fabric pieces from my mother's sewing box.  I would tape and pin what appeared to my 7 year old brain to be striking replicas of the tailored skirts and dresses worn by the First Lady.  My guess is that her youth and beauty made her more reachable to my little girl sensibilities unlike Mamie Eisenhower or Lady Bird Johnson who seemed more grandma-like. 
 
I distinctly remember asking for pink colored Kleenex so my Barbie doll could be appropriately dressed in that sad November of 1963.  Playing with dolls was such a favorite pastime for me; something I did way past the acceptable age for such childhood fantasy.  When history slammed into our collective living rooms that year, one way it translated in this little girl's life was as Barbie morphing into Jackie in a pink Chanel suit.   
 
As a second grader in 1963 at the now shuttered St. Philomena parochial school, I have a crystal clear memory of hearing the news about the assassination.  Class was interrupted by the principal speaking over the school PA system. I was seated at my desk as the unusually shaky voice of Mother Pasquelina stated the President had been shot and killed.  There was silence and then some sniffling from a few classmates quick to feel the universal pang of sadness.  It is a stabbing, singular memory.
 
In the following days my family, like so many others, sat transfixed to the television reports.  Time seemingly stopped on 11/22/63.
 
My brother Vincent's birthday is 11/23.  The national mourning ran roughshod over his tenth birthday. His memory is one of a sadness that especially consumed the adults 
around his special day.  John Kennedy Jr.'s birthday was 11/25 - the day of his dad's funeral.  Days of gift wrapped grief collided with what should have been happier times.

I'm glad the Chanel suit is packed away, unseen for another 90 years.  While it may add allure to the iconic Jacqueline Kennedy, the deliberate privacy tenderly reminds us that loss is first a personal experience, even if you were the First Lady.

Monday, October 7, 2013

Hold That Thought...and Note

Imagine 70 singers and musicians holding a single sound for 20 minutes. 

A single sound - namely a D major chord - for a full 20 minutes.

And then silence.

For another 20 minutes.

Stay with me now.

Monotone Symphony Orchestra
The performance, called Monotone-Silence Symphony, was the 1960's brainchild of Yves Klein, a conceptual painter who died at age 34.  It was recently performed at the Madison Avenue Presbyterian Church in New York City.  CBS Sunday Morning reported on the eccentric piece.  http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-3445_162-57603921/passage-a-concert-of-note/

My first instinct was to grab some breakfast when the piece aired, but curiosity got the better of me.

What hooked me was the simplicity of it all.  One sound.  What a focused luxury in a world where buckets of sound flood our ears every moment.   Like octopi, we daily grab for texting, tweeting, emailing, and messaging at warp speed.  We send and receive messages, often thoughtlessly.

Monotone-Silence Symphony challenges its listeners to surrender, receive and then sit with silence.  The NY Times reported on the event and quoted Daniel Moquay, who oversees the Klein archive and estate in Paris, as saying that the silence is sometimes more difficult for audiences to take in than the sound. 'You get into the deepness of a silence and you realize that silence is not a nothing,' he said. 'Silence is something that is very, very powerful.'" http://www.nytimes.com/2013/09/18/arts/music/yves-kleins-monotone-silence-symphony-comes-to-manhattan.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0

Lunar-scape at Haleakala Volcano crater on Maui.
One of the most profound silences I've experienced was while hiking on Maui.  Haleakala (House of the Sun) volcano rises 10,000 ft. Various trails take you to the crater floor at about 8,000 ft.  On a day trip with my brother, Vincent, we walked the elongated switchbacks during a cloudless winter dawn.  The lunar landscape rapidly erased island visions of palm trees and jewel tone seas.  (In fact, the Apollo 11 astronauts trained on the crater floor because it is a close replica for conditions on the Moon's surface.)

As we settled into the daylong trek and conversation became sparse, the sound of my boots scraping the gravelly lava rock pebbles increased. The gritty sound filled my ears.  After a while the raspy noise gave way to my breathing which became the overriding thing I heard.  I expected to experience stock still silence while walking through this desolate place.   Instead my breathing became the lone sound that was amplified almost to distraction. 

This shocked me. 

Where was the quiet?  Even swallowing water turned the volume way up! 

It dawned on me that removing the daily exterior sounds had made room for the rhythmic interior tones which are always in play.  I didn't know it at the time but I was in the middle of a meditation while hiking.  I was unexpectedly aware of myself in a sparse, alive way and nothing else could break the connection. 

I think Monotone-Silence Symphony offers this same path to meditation.  How often do we actually try to quiet down to this level and let our controlled breathing open ourselves up?  It is an overarching challenge in our electronic lives.  

To think this symphonic idea sprung forth just about 60 years ago before everything beeped, rang, and bellowed at us (and that is just from our phones!) makes me appreciate the artist's intention.  The cacophonous sixties had their own distractions.  The 21st century heightens them exponentially.  Klein sure had a vision.     

Several people from different parts of my world have recommended Deepak Chopra's 21-Day Meditation Challenge.  Monotone-Silence Symphony was the final push to inspire me to try meditation.  Plus, Deepak Chopra is no slouch when it comes to this practice - why not start at the top?

I am not a quiet person.  Meditation is not meant to change that, but rather, to allow some room for internal quiet - to silence the distractions and be.  

Wish me luck. 

Now, shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.....

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

New York State of Crime

One moment I was texting my daughter about a her new part-time job at school; the next there was nothing.  So I followed up with email and Facebook messages.  Where did she go?

Well, she went nowhere; her phone took off.

A ne'er-do-well (aka vile thief) stole her phone at a local coffee shop.  It was a slight of hand that, while irritating and unfair, thankfully did not culminate in her being harmed. 

Image courtesy of
 Iamnee/FreeDigialPhotos.net 
She demonstrated calm and decisiveness in seeking help.  She also experienced her first trip to a police station to file a report since the thief's sticky fingers were hard at work elsewhere in lower Manhattan. I pray it is her only ride in a police cruiser. 

A friend's daughter smartly categorizes these types of life events as "First World problems."  It is a perspective builder I often use in conversation.

Yet, I realize my perspective is damaged. 

I am transported to a zany car ride to JFK airport in 1989. My husband and I were headed there en route to our honeymoon destination.  We were uber late and pathetically lost in a non-GPS world.  The ride to the hospital years later when I was in active labor now seems leisurely compared to the Mr. Toad's Wild Ride to JFK on that autumn afternoon. 

As we screeched to the airport departure curb we breathlessly agreed he would return the rental car and I would check in the luggage.  A quick bag count netted a false confidence. Bags were tossed. I ran hither and yon. He ran hither and yon - we looked one stooge shy of Mo, Larry and Curly.  (Skycap? Not for the thrifty, self-sufficient newlyweds.)

Upon checking in I noticed my tan camera bag was missing.  I scanned the area of our messy luggage exchange - nothing.  "He must have it," I thought.  I rushed  directly to the gate.  (Shoe removal and body scan security measures were 12 years into the future.)

My husband breathlessly arrived as the final boarding call was announced.  We finally exhaled until I asked about the camera bag.  He didn't have it. 

The phrase "This is a First World" problem was not remotely in my mind. 

Mo and Larry were had.

Image courtesy of 
nonicknamephoto/FreeDigitalPhotos.net
This all bubbled up in anger and letdown as my daughter told me her tale.  A social trust was violated. Her surprise at broad daylight crime reminded me of mine.  And hearing that one of my cubs became a thief's target inflamed this Mama Bear. It made for a short trip to yesterday.

The Minolta 35mm camera and lenses, college graduation gifts from my family and tools in my young, small newspaper job life, held sentimentality and utility. I told myself they are just things but I know I marked the bruised spot on my ego.

Years later, a house fire, where many more sentimental things vaporized, gave me another chance to weigh not only personal safety fears but also my hold on the value of valuables.  It's psychological ping pong.

Anger over having my camera bag stolen has been locked up tight all these years later - to what end?  It's like an engine that revs wildly yet remains in neutral. 

On the other end of the crime spectrum, I am reminded of the time my husband lost his wallet in New Jersey only to see it returned completely in tact via the US mail.  The only thing missing was $2.00 used to mail it. There was a brief note explaining the missing $2 but no name or return address.  My daughter lost her driver's license at the Philly airport this summer; a few days later it arrived via the US mail. No note or return address. 

I can't help but think these phantom finders simply followed the Golden Rule.  

They were satisfied with doing the right thing even when no one was watching.  I pass it forward every chance I get.  It softens my anger to remember their kindness as the perfect counterbalance. 

 I manage to get a chuckle from my daughter as I greet her with "Hey there, world traveler!" when Portland, Oregon or Denver, Colorado show up on my phone while she borrows friends' phones to call me.  She is riding the waves.  She is building "city life" muscle. 

Lots of learning is happening inside and outside my girl's college classrooms.  I am happily caught off balance by the lessons sent my way via her world.