I work in an elementary school. A few months ago a favorite younger student who bursts into every moment with exhausting clarity impulsively kissed his best buddy on the cheek during lunch. The buddy wasn't sure about this and told me and a few other adults.
We followed the predictable path of talking with each child, having them talk to each other and explain how they saw/felt about what had happened, giving consequences etc. But the delicious part came when the kissy boy offered his reason for smooching his friend. "I love him!"
I confirmed that loving our friends is a good thing, but we shouldn't kiss them in school (keep hands and lips to ourselves.) He went back to his seat for ten seconds and bounced back up with a eureka moment. "I know why I love so much!" he shrieked in discovery. "It's because my birthday is Valentine's Day!"
I defy a judge or jury to convict after that solid elementary argument.
We may not need to have February 14th as our birthday to express love. We are free to express it anytime, anywhere. Yet this day holds so much weight or baggage depending on where you sit with its meaning.
My twenty something self used to wretch at the thought of people getting engaged on Valentine's Day (some even punctuating the saccharin with a heart shaped engagement ring - don't get me started.) So when my husband popped the question on 2/14/89, what did I do? I dove into the deep end of Valentine's Day. Suddenly, it became a top ten best "holiday." It moved from the list of obligation days which includes New Year's Eve, Mothers Day AND Father's Day, to a revered moment in time. After 27 1/2 years of marriage, it continues to thrill and vex me. It always gives me cause for reflection.
Writer Sarah Hepola offered a gorgeous commentary at the end of NPR's Fresh Air show yesterday with a piece about honoring love that goes past this red heart February day.
http://www.npr.org/2017/02/13/514978859/lonely-on-valentines-day-celebrate-love-that-reaches-beyond-romance
In it she notes that the lilt of new love is unsustainable especially when we are bombarded with messages of giggly, bubbly, cute love when we are younger. It's a start for certain, but she notes, "the majority of life is not spent with weak knees or butterflies...it's only the beginning." Enduring love is work. It can be exhausting. It is often confusing. And it is often worth it.
Ms. Hepola shares, "Back in ancient times people would never have married for love. They considered it too unstable. They married for money. They married for land." It was a most pragmatic proposition. My romantic self growls at the prospect but, gosh, that formula seems easier to figure out.
In her closing thoughts, Ms. Hepola celebrates the variety of love she finds herself surrounded by in connecting with friends and family in all types of circumstances - not just the champagne popping times. She quotes writer Olivia Laing from her novel The Lonely City: "Loneliness, longing does not mean one has failed, but simply that one is living."
Love is a verb. Living means action in all of its colors. Bubblegum pink and cloudy gray serve our senses nobly and distinctly as we take on each day. My wish for all this day is to acknowledge love in its active state because that is, I believe, how we experience our true lives.
Love is a verb. Feel it less. Live it more.
