Firsts, Lasts...Sigh

Today was a first and a last. 

It seems a lot of those having been filling up my dance card lately.

It was the first day of my younger daughter's last year of high school.  While it does not have the emotional vice grip it could have, there is a strong tug just the same. It's probably because I'm no neophyte in this arena. The timeline of school first days is one that parents know all too well because it swings around each year for at least 12 consecutive years (not counting kindergarten and pre-school.)

Measuring the alpha and omega moments tucked into everyday life is a comfortable yardstick for me; stopping to measure where my girls are and what it means to me suits my nature.

Taking the first day of school photos is non-negotiable in this house.  Fortunately there is little-to-no push back on it, but the scout motto of "Be Prepared" comes into play as I wait, vigilant and camera-ready by the door.  I savor being appeased.  The definitive moment came in 2009 when my oldest and her freshman year college roommate took pictures of each other on their first day of classes and sent them to me. 

What an unexpected bonus click of the shutter!

I love thinking about that scene being replayed across the world as students head off to their new school years.  It is strangely comforting.  Parents, regardless of culture, economics, faith all share in this small, yet solid moment.  It's like a moon rock in which the size has nothing to do with its incredible density.

That's what I felt this morning-dense in the heart.

These are marker moments - simple milestones.  I understand that what happens during those 179 other days in the classroom is more important and goes mostly undocumented at home as kids mature, but that first day - with its scrubbed optimism and perhaps a specially chosen apparel item is when things seem possible.  It grabs me in a fit of achy, breaky love.

The humorous part is that as a kid I moaned and groaned about the first day of school. It could have been that we usually vacationed at the shore right before school began so I felt bereft over seeing summer in the rear view mirror. It is more likely that I have always had awful transitioning skills. 

It seems 'firsts' have a powerful blast when they hit.  Baby books over-embellish those many events - first tooth, first steps, first word, first haircut - the list goes on.  Yet, the 'lasts' are often unplanned.  We can't really plan for the last book we'll read to our child or the last time they'll ride their bike.  "Lasts" sneak up on us in reflection.  Instead of blowing us away, they breeze by daring us to notice them.

Well, not today.  Today was the last first day of high school.  It was pouring rain.  The gods toyed with my emotions but I made sure I looked them squarely in the eyes and marked the moment.

Click.

College Tours in Season

My thoughts ranged from "Pennsylvania has some terrific universities to consider" to " I wish I would have seen more colleges when I looked years ago."  Either way, the college touring season officially opened for my high school daughter and with school visits scheduled and the GPS fired up we hit the road this month outside the Keystone state.

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Since I went 'college shopping' with my older daughter four years ago, I felt equipped for this round.  Silly me.  This daughter has her sights set on performing arts and that introduces an audition segment to come this year.  This new sliver will keep us on our toes; me, figuratively and her, literally.

Here are some surprises I found along the way:  (I decided to omit the specific school names in deference to my daughter.)

- August can be a terrific time to visit schools.  We arrived on one campus without a tour appointment prepared to wander through on our own.  We stumbled into Freshman Move In Day and experienced an enthusiastic welcome everywhere we went.  It was an added treat to see firsthand how the incoming freshman and their families were greeted. It was one of several tugs at my heart on this trip.

-Even sweeter was making a wrong turn in the performing arts building and passing the dance program's Associate Dean's Office. She invited us in for an informal chat that lasted over 30 minutes.

- Another school was preparing to welcome back its students that week and again, no tours were offered.  Yet, an admissions counselor met with us and the administrator in the dance department showed us the studios, performance spaces and was chock full of program tidbits for us to digest. The quiet summer days leave space for folks to take unscheduled time they may not have during the regular semester.  It's a roll of the dice but luck was a lady this month.

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- Info session videos are pretty standard fare but one school showed a clip that was a direct hit on my heart - cue the strings - it began with scenes from their graduation ceremony.  With both daughters graduating in June, this was a blind assault on my sensibilities - they had me at hello.  Bravo!

-I have yet to be on a college tour in which the visiting students ask lots of questions.  Parents are the grand inquisitors, hands down. This was true four years ago and ditto for this go round.  Urban or pastoral campuses alike - it was the same story.  I think it is a bit of a shame to have us looming on each tour but trusted in the fact that our kids are really doing double duty as they listen to the flood of information while  trying to picture themselves living in the space.

-Two girlfriends were on one tour and were very chatty with each other and the tour guide.  The non-parental visit has its merits.

-On a campus in the heart of  New York City a mother focused most of her questions around safety. It was clear this topic weighed heavily on her.  Her daughter's questions, on the other hand, were freedom based as in: Is there a curfew? and Can guys and girls visit and stay over in the dorms?  They were reading from two entirely different scripts.  It was very entertaining.


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-Trying to break up a 7 1/2 hour ride home, my daughter searched for one more school that was somewhat on our route and hit gold scheduling a tour and a meeting with the Chair of the dance division.   Again, the quieter summer month made the professor more accessible and the one-on-one time was precious.

- I really appreciated the schools who created very small tour groups and who used the selected  major of the visiting student to pair up with a specific guide.  Twelve guides were on hand at one school so each tour group was no more than two or three students.  Our guide was a rising senior dance major from Pennsylvania.  Bingo!  She took additional time with us following the tour and made sure my daughter saw every facet of the program and facilities.

-My final thoughts are for the long suffering younger siblings who have no vested interest in any tour, but attend them in a forced march sort of way.  I feel your pain, pity your parents, and trust you will be rewarded in some way.

We have a few more colleges to visit in the fall. Then there are the auditions, which will be a chance to experience the dance instruction and feel the campus life.  And finally, the 'accepted students' days in April which could be called 'boots on the ground' moments when decisions loom large. 

All this just to get in the door.